I gave a friend of mine a call who I haven’t spoken to in a really long time. We had a long and meaningful conversation while catching up on each other lives and remembering old stories. As we said our goodbyes, he tells me not to let it go so long before we speak to each other again and shoot him a text. This made me realize that talking on the phone has become obsolete and texting has become the preferred form of communication of the human race. Here are my top five reasons why I think this way:
5. It allows you to stay on the dodge. Ever call a friend who you know has no life but never bothers to answer the phone forcing you to leave a message inquiring about what he or she is doing? Then right on queue you immediately receive a text stating, “Nothing much. Just chilling at the crib.” This person probably has also texted back a reply to a “888” area code number, “I ain’t got it.”
4. You need to spice up dinner. What else are you going to do while sitting at dinner with your significant other? Talk? Eat? Nonsense! Women love giving their girls updates of how boring their date is going. And how else are men going to keep up with whatever sporting event is happening while they are sitting in a strategy-chosen restaurant with no televisions on the wall?
3. It is still the best way to start an unnecessary misunderstanding. There is no other way on planet Earth to start a fight with someone in real-time by using caps lock. Not following proper texting etiquette will get you in a fight faster than being face to face with somebody.
2. You are not one of the few who cannot read minds from across the room. You are standing together in a room of people and you really need to talk trash about a third party who is standing close by. You pull out your cell phone, push send, and just the two of you can have a touching private giggle together.
1. It allows us to be complete social cowards. There was a time that many of you reading this will remember when there was a three-day period of extreme and crippling anxiety that followed after getting a phone number from someone. You practiced your speech. You talked yourself out of calling and back into calling countless times. You have been interrogated constantly by your friends about that person you met the other night. And some people never get the courage to make that phone call. That all ended with texting. Now you can text that person you just met before you make it home from the club that same night and it’s not even considered creepy. A little clingy, but not very creepy.