Elders are the pillars of the black community. They not only bring support and wisdom, but they are all filled with experiences. The amazing thing about elders and young adults, is the age gap between the two. They grew up completely different from how kids grow up now. Yet some of the mindsets of the elders are not the healthiest in terms of the guidance the young generation wants and needs.

Normality is just like a domino effect. Kids will do what they see. They will speak what they hear, and they will think how their personal leaders think. Sadly, if an elder is narrow minded, it is a strong possibility that the child may be as well; because that’s all they know. Yet there’s no need to fault anyone. Some may speak with no intention of harmful outcomes, but sometimes it may.

As a young child, everyone is essentially a sponge, soaking up everything. Brittani, a fashion major at Mesa College is an example. “I remember growing up and going to my grandma’s house, she lives in Detroit. Now that I’m older I think of the things she said to me and how I can internalize it subconsciously as a kid,” said Brittani. It could take years to catch something and realize that maybe that’s not all the way correct.

Brittani goes on, “I remember the first time I got a boyfriend and I told her she was like ‘how dark is he?’ And I never thought about it. I told her he was light-skinned. But now that I’m older, I’m like that’s not right. Why does that matter?” Shocked waved as she got older, she realizes it’s not her grandmothers fault, it’s just how she grew up. “But that’s those older values that a lot of the older generation has,” she says.

Sometimes it may not be what you say, it could very well be actions. Kailyn Riley, a business major here at Mesa College spoke on hair; a situation a lot of girls experience now. “Engrained in these kids at a young age when their mom put perms in their hair, pretty much telling them that they are not beautiful the way they are. You are putting chemicals in their hair to change their natural texture because society said straight hair is the only beautiful hair,” Riley said. Something that seems so normal, is promoting an epidemic that is not needed.

There are middle school, high school, and even college girls who will not walk out of the house if they do not have twenty inches of Indian hair flowing down their back. But why does is matter where the hair is imported from, or how many bundles the next young lady has? There is beautiful hair on the very head of each individual. Somewhere along the line the message was lost.

Many elders speak in hopes to enlighten and equip the younger generation for life. It can be interpreted as ‘tough love’. However, some of the things that are said can be more damaging than it is helpful.

Zears Slocum, a communications major here at Mesa college, has experienced tough love. “I felt more racism from my dad more than from the world. Even though I know it wasn’t necessarily obvious to me, my dad made it more aware to me.” When speaking out of love, things can be misconstrued in a major way. Slocum goes on, “My dad used to tell me as I was growing up ‘ you’re going to have it so much easier growing up in this world Zears!’ He was always consciously bringing it up with me.” Explaining to a young child can be very tedious, and can ultimately affect the child as a young adult.

Elders will always be needed in the black community. And their experiences are not just stories, but can also be a visual of what and what not to do. It is extremely important to watch what is said and how things are said to children, because it can affect their adulthood. Everyone is growing from and with each other. It is important to be tedious with words and ensure that ensure young adults know that it is all out of love and support.