Resident leading tough guy Rock Hudson was a closet homosexual. Errol Flynn reputedly had sexual relations with a fifteen year old. Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle allegedly raped a young woman, the consequences of which led her to die two days later.

While these may seem like random factoids thrown out for the sake of dragging these deceased thespians names through the mud, they serve a purpose. These anecdotes were typically reported on in the name of journalism, and many of these facts did not see the light of day until after the death of the character in question.

These days, celebrity culture is the crux of sundry industries. Print journalism, television channels and whole Internet sites are devoted to the commonalities and lackluster daily routines of the most insipid stars. Why we need to know that Britney Spears is just like us (yes, us, those everyday Joe the Plumbers who toil to make the world go round but are not important enough to have their picture on the internet because they didn’t forget to wear panties when they left the house that day) and buys toilet paper in bulk is contemptible.

How is it possible that every magazine cover in recent memory is more concerned with Jessica Simpson’s weight gain than with what our newly minted President has put into effect in his first month? Why is the Internet ablaze with audio of Christian Bale, Batman himself, having a bad day? Not only is that not newsworthy, but it’s none of our business.

The decline of the intelligence of Americans can be directly correlated with the change in Hollywood over the years. Movie premieres used to be a big ordeal, and one of the few times when fans could catch a glimpse of their favorite celebrities. Now, movie lovers can just sit at home and watch “E!” while surfing perezhilton.com and cross their fingers that there will be a nipple slip or loose curse word.

The theaters that offered an experience have all become bookstores where the ghosts of celluloid past haunt the self-help section. If you’d like to see a movie now, you can visit your local commercialized chain theater and take out another mortgage to see that new Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson treasure hunting adventure. If you want daring and imagination in your films, you can try to find one of the specialized theaters that offer artsy (read: not major studio/intelligent) offerings, but you’ll probably find that it’s now a Barnes and Noble.

The word celebrity used to mean something. A celebrity was someone that could be idolized or lusted after, but ultimately used his or her notoriety for the public good. It seems these days that an exposed vagina and a video on Youtube will get you places. And lord knows we’ll love you for it.